Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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