Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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