nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
