people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
