pop tarts are not kleenex
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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