There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
