I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
