dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
