It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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