How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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