Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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