Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
