I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
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I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
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Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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