If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Drake has all the answers
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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