There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
