"it" just moved
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she pinky promised me she was 18
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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