i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
a search helicopter?!
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
