nut hugger
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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