suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
