it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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