I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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