Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
