Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
