pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
