I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...