So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
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okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
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Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?