I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
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Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
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Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity