i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
