Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize