Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
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I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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