I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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