he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
