did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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