Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
