I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize