I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my sisters under your porch take her home
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My liver just had a heart attack.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
