who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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