id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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