just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
