Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
