i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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