Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
