So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
