I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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