cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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