the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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