i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
