Moan for me like Helen Keller
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
