Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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