you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
