so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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