I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
