I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
