I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
