Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
