First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You ruined the universe
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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