I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I woke up under a house in Key West
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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