she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
