How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
