I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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