Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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