I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
