i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i wish my penis had a tongue
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
