FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
