I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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