Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I smell stomach acid.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
