you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
