Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I wish there were birth control emojis
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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