Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
