dude i'm inner monologue high
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
