My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
