She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
