everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
