oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
