so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
