i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
vagina is talking i cant
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
sex in a hospital.. check
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
