My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
