he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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