the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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