hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
