New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
