So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
