we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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