It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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