nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
