i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
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Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
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When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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