Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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