If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
