if you like me you must not know who I am
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize