I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
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