I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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