hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
