overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
