Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
