FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
