Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
