if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize