You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
